My father and I never had a relationship outside the default father to son basic care relationship. It’s no secret and I’ve come to accept and even understand the “whys” surrounding that truth.
It’s been about a month, yes, that recently, that I can say I’ve come full circle and have concluded to my satisfaction, all the searches for answers.
Maybe that is why I had a dream of that man.
“I find myself in an empty church alone with just my guitar. I’d been asked to play and sing a song for some kind of celebration and I’m sure I’m at the right place at the right time. Yet, I’m alone.
I make my way outside and into another building where apparently the party had been and continues. On stage is a band playing, but I can’t hear the music. On the dance floor, groups of people having a good time, dance in groups and amongst themselves. In one of those groups I see my father but not as my father but as a man I recognize. He is dancing with a small group of people and it appears that he had been drinking just enough to bring down his natural guard and he looks so happy.”
My father is happy. Without me, not because of me and not for me. Just happy.
I dreamt that man. Yes, that man, my father. Now I am happy.